Sunday, December 4, 2011

Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas!  My husband got all of our Christmas decorations out this week and it finally feels like Christmas at our house!  The kids both enjoyed looking through all of their ornaments from previous years.  This year Corban was asking questions about the ornaments that are Callie's.  It provided a really good opportunity to continue to tell him of his big sister in Heaven.  He even said her name for the first time.  I don't know what the years hold for our family, but I hope that we continue to have wisdom about how to preserve her memory and her place in our family. 
The ornaments for this year are matching Mickey and Minnie Mouse ornaments for Corban and Ellie.  They ring bells when you pull on a string.  The kids are certainly enjoying them! 
Callie's ornament is a shell from our family vacation to Gulf Shores, Alabama.  This was a perfect shell that even had a hole in the side--perfect for a ribbon.  Her name is written on it in silver. 

Have a wonderful Christmas with your family!  God Bless you in the upcoming year!

Saturday, October 29, 2011


We recently went on a family vacation.  My parents started a tradition of taking one week together with all the kids and grandkids together.  One week of uninterrupted time together.  One member from each of our families work at a church which means our weekends together are typically cut short, except the week of vacation.  We started the tradition when I was pregnant (very pregnant) with Callie.  We were so excited to think about our next vacation bringing her along!  Each trip we take I am reminded that she should be with us.  A few nights I stepped out on the balcony and snapped some pictures of the sunset.  After taking this one I realized it was break taking.  I love it when the sunbeams shine through the clouds.  Then it hit me, she is with us.  She's always with us.  Though she isn't physically in our pictures and we aren't buying her a souvenir shirt, she is with us.  Every step of the way. 

Thursday, October 6, 2011

"Can You Hear Me Now?"

Do you remember the Verizon man who traveled all over making calls and asking, "Can you hear me now?" Sometimes I feel it is an accurate portrayal of my walk with the Lord. He allows situations to happen, all the while asking for my trust. Sometimes it is with jobs, other times relationships and most often with my children. Losing Callie coupled with Corban's early health scares have left a fear that resides deep within my heart. Actually not that deep--but it is rooted to the very core of my being. I do not want to lose another child. I can not lose another child. So whenever something happens that affects my kids, I seem to go on high alert. Last Friday I was going through Corban's backpack and found a letter that he had failed his hearing screen. I immediately freaked out. We just had his hearing tested a year ago and he was fine. I thought back to his NICU days--the warnings that hearing damage could occur. I was way down the road. Hearing aids for my 3 year old & speech delay & social anxiety. Would my little guy ever "fit in"? I made numerous calls and finally got an appointment with his pediatrician. She checked him out and then referred us to a specialist.
We went today and learned that his tubes are in the process of falling out and are causing fluid to build up again. Simple fix--put a second set of tubes in and remove his adenoids. No permanent hearing loss. I was so relieved.
I could picture the Lord saying, "Can you hear me now? Are you going to trust me now?" I know that even if Corban had hearing loss, we would still be blessed. He is still with us. It is a daily struggle, a daily battle and yet I find myself continually falling short. Losing trust.
We each have our own struggles and areas which we must turn over daily--and this is mine.
My prayer is that each day, I will continue to trust the Lord and His plan for my children's lives and mine. He has carried me this far. He got me through the worst times and He is with me in the best--and everything in between.
We celebrated this afternoon and made muffins together--Thank You Lord for blessing me with this little guy. You knew what you were doing!
What are you holding onto today? Place it in the Lord's hands and allow Him to speak into your soul.

Friday, September 9, 2011


My little man started preschool this week. Monday night we put him to bed and he was awake for hours. We found him on the floor hiding under the bed muttering something about preschool. He had gotten sick and was completely worked up about starting school the next day. My heart ached. This is the same reaction he had when we started speech therapy--it lasted for the first 6 weeks.

We woke up Tuesday with no power and the news of school being cancelled. Explain to a 3-year old that he can't go to preschool because the lights aren't on--let me know if you have any suggestions. He became excited through the course of the day and by Tuesday night he fell right to sleep and woke up on Wednesday ready for school!

Drop-off time has gone pretty well with a few tears, but his teachers report that he adjusts well and is a delight to have in class.

Ellie and I are settling into a new routine and she seems to be enjoying her independence. She typically follows her brother around but now she is able to do whatever pleases her! I am finding it a little easier to accomplish household tasks with only one child around yet I really do miss my little blond boy.

His heart and sensitivity truly shine as I see him put in these vulnerable situations. I want him to continue to grow and learn, yet I pray that he never loses these qualities. I have determined that preschool is as much a growth journey for parents as it is for the kids. Learning to leave my precious boy each day is a struggle yet I know he is enjoying himself, and that makes it easier.

Happy Preschool Day to you Corban! Mommy loves you and delights in you!

Friday, July 22, 2011


I returned home yesterday from an exhausting week in Indianapolis. I went to help my Mom sort through my grandma's house and separate her husband's things. He passed away a few weeks ago after he fell and suffered a broken hip and collapsed lung. My Nanny is in a nursing home suffering with end stage Alzheimer's disease. It was so weird being at her house and rummaging through all her things while she is still alive. Alive in the sense of breathing and having a beating heart. It feels as though she is gone and I've missed her for many years. Her body is here but she is not, as is the way with this cruel disease.

One of the things I found was a journal she kept. There were actually tons of these-where she shared her spiritual insights and ramblings. Things that seem so minor--disagreements with neighbors, feelings towards co-workers and she continued to bring them to the Lord begging for wisdom in her response. In recent years, her mind began to fail, and she began to question if she had a relationship with the Lord. As her family, we brought her back to all the spiritual insights and wisdom she had taught us. We pointed her back to the fruits that were evident in her life. But some took advantage of this opportunity and joined in her disbelief. So she was baptized again and accepted Christ again. It was hard to watch. It was even harder to think about as I read through some of these journals. This woman had such communion with God. I was reading her most personal spiritual thoughts and was still learning from her. We have such a rich spiritual heritage from her. She devoted her life to serving the Lord and volunteering her time.

I am saddened that she is dying, though it feels like she is already gone. About a month ago she was still able to speak on the phone and she thanked me for coming to be with her. "Of course!" I replied. "You are my Nanny and I love you!" and her words will stay with me forever. "And I love being your Nanny." It was a rare moment of clarity for her but a true gift for me. There hasn't been much of a connection for some time but these moments are packed away in my memory box for good.

She will be joining her great-granddaughter in Heaven soon--probably a matter of days. Her eyes will be perfect, her mind will be whole and she will have no more suffering. I have to put in here a quote that I have posted before but it sure seems fitting to use it again.

"I am standing on the seashore. A ship spread her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean. I stand watching her until she fades on the horizon, and someone at my side says , "She is gone." Gone where? The loss of sight is in me, not in her. Just at the moment someone says, "She is gone, " there are others who are watching her coming. Other voices take up the glad shout, "Here she comes," and that is dying." Henry Scott Holland

Blessings to you and your family.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Callie's Birthday Celebration

4 years ago tonight I was dreading the burial of our daughter, Callie. We left the hospital on Friday, the day she was born and the next few days were a blur. Saturday we had to go pick out an outfit for her to be buried in and go to the funeral home to make arrangements. I cannot tell you the pain of having just given birth, walking through a store (they didn't have a wheelchair) and heading back to the baby department--still looking pregnant. We looked for quite awhile and finally decided on a little pink and purple plaid dress that had a sweater with it. We took it along with the other things we had chosen to be buried with her and went to the funeral home. We made all the necessary decisions and signed all the papers and then went to see her casket. We thought we would be seeing her. I thought I would at least get to see her on the day we buried her. We learned that day that we wouldn't get to see her again. Once she was in the casket it couldn't be opened. I would never get to see her in the dress. And we had to narrow down what we wanted to go with wouldn't all fit. More heart break. So we chose an "I love Daddy bib", her pink silly buddy and in her hand she held a ceramic heart that fits in the middle of a larger heart that I kept. I remember just sitting in our car, crying together. This was it.

On her birthday, it has always been hard to come up with a term to define the day. Celebrate always seemed too happy to me. However, the dictionary definition of celebrate seems quite fitting. "To observe with ceremonies of respect; To make widely known" That is obviously condensed but that is what stuck out to me. So, we did celebrate her birthday.

This year, we had decided to take the kids to a neat park downtown. There is a carousel, a splash pad, walking bridge and tons of open space. We want to have fun with the kids but also take the day to tell more of Callie's story. So we went to dinner at Cheeburger Cheeburger (one of our favorite burger places) and then went to ride the carousel. We took some time walking around and then went to the water's edge. It may sound easy but it was quite an adventure getting all of us out there on the rocks! Corban ended up in the water quite a few times. Once we were out there we took the roses that we had given the kids and plucked off the petals. As we sang "Happy Birthday" to Callie we threw our petals in the water. We explained that we were doing this for sissy in Heaven. We ended the night with ice cream at an old fashioned soda shop.

During our bedtime routine, I was in Corban's bed reading and praying with him. I explained that he had 2 sissys. One in Heaven. One here. He looked kind of confused and pointed to sissy in her crib. "Sissy?" "Yes, you have one sissy here with you and one in Heaven. You have 2 sissys." "2 sissys?" "Yes." "2 sissys. Me have 2 sissys."

This just made me smile. He will continue to get it piece by piece. But for now we will continue to have our celebration of Callie's life. It was a beautiful time together as a family celebrating the little girl who made me a Mom and has shaped the Mom I am today.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Happy Birthday Callie!

Another year has come and gone and Callie's birthday is this week. Each year brings new challenges and new memories. This is the first year that we are away from her grave. It will be a little different to not go and visit. Last year we released balloons "to her" and I've struggled with what to do this year. I think we have come up with a good idea to incorporate the kids, have a special time as a family and yet keep things positive.

I may have shared before, but the entire week is tough. I re-live that whole week of learning she had passed, then the labor and delivery and finally the funeral and burial. Then, my birthday. It always is tough that the week right before my birthday is consumed with such sorrow. It isn't that I am without hope of seeing her one day. It is the weight that she is missing from our family.

I heard a song recently that brought back a flood of memories from my pregnancy. It is by "Fergie" and is called "Big Girls Don't Cry." If you haven't been pregnant, listen when I say that you will sing to the baby in your belly. I don't know why but I always sang along to the radio on this one for Callie. I even remember the day that we lost her (or at least found out) driving around and killing time before my appointment and singing this song to her, with my hand on my belly. I haven't heard the song for quite awhile and the other night it came on the radio. Instantly it took me back to that moment. Singing to my baby, and she was already gone. Already in Jesus' arms. But I have to disagree with the song. Even big girls cry.

So as we embark on our week of memories, it is my hope and prayer that we honor her memory and speak a little bit of her life into our remaining 2 children's lives. I'm sure I will post more after our special night on Wednesday.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Embracing The Differences

The past 9 months have been extremely challenging months. We have been battling health issues with my daughter, Ellie. She began losing weight, losing her appetite and remaining consistently fussy. We have had many scares where blood work or tests came back with abnormal results. We went to Atlanta to see her specialist this past week and received the first truly positive report. She has gained weight and we don't have to return for a few months. It was an amazing feeling! We almost ran out of the office so they couldn't come back with something different (like they had the wrong chart!) :)

The "fussiness" is just part of her personality, in my opinion. When she was a day old the lactation consultant came to see us and nicknamed her "punky" because she was so feisty. At my postpartum check the NP commented on how "intense" she was. Those were both true statements and continue to be. She had colic that lasted FOREVER! Every afternoon from 4:00 on I was basically chained to the recliner with her in my lap. As she has gotten older, she is into everything. All the time. We put locks on all cabinets. She climbs chairs and has even gotten onto the kitchen counter. She is fearless. And yet I know that these same qualities that have been so hard to corral and parent will be what takes her so far in life. She will turn into a driven woman who accomplishes anything she sets her mind to! She has a wonderful senses of humor and loves to laugh. Though she is intense she is also intense in her love. She adores her brother and wants to spend every minute with him. She loves to hug and cuddle Mommy and Daddy.

So though the temporary (though sometimes it doesn't feel so temporary!) fussiness is challenging I am trying to remember that these days will go quickly. I'm trying not to compare her to her brother (who was quite a different story). I'm trying to look at her for the little person that she is and is becoming and do my best as a Mom to nurture those traits positively.

I love this little girl so much. We do have a very strong bond because of how much time we have spent together! So she still has my heart :) I was giving her a bottle before her nap and when she decided she was full, she popped her paci in her mouth. I sat there for a minute rocking her and looking at her. "You know Mommy loves you?" She sat there looking at me so intently. Again, "You know how much Mommy loves you?" She smiled such a big grin through her paci and I melted. Yep, even though she's a pistol (as I call her), she's MY pistol.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Loudest Voices

I am married to a youth pastor, as most of you know. Our days of youth ministry have changed drastically from when we first started. We began our first youth ministry job as an engaged/ newlywed couple and we did everything together. The kids were over at our house 2-3 nights a week, we were at the church at every opportunity and we did ministry as a team--most often the only adults present. At the next church we still didn't have children so we approached ministry in much the same way--involved in everything at the church, late night events, etc. Things began to change at the next church. I was pregnant when we began and my involvement was different from the very beginning. I tried to find ways to be involved and yet also to keep my priorities in front of me--my family. We would have teens over to the house, hold meetings there and would take different teens out to dinner, etc. Now that we have 2 children --and 2 little children at that--my involvement is very limited. I support my husband through prayer and encouragement. I can make food and offer my home, but that is really about it. My children are my top priority.

There are always things that happen in ministry that can cause you to lose heart. It is such a tough job! You watch your husband give and give and sacrifice family time and then what happens? Criticism. Judgment. You name it. Typically it occurs over something very small but then gets blown out of of proportion. Occasionally an encouraging word is spoken. Why is it that even if encouragement and criticism happen on the same day, you remember the criticism? The negative voices are simply the loudest. This is so true in life, isn't it? In a room full of 25 kids--if even one is talking--you notice because it is disruptive. You forget the 24 that are still paying attention. The one ruins it for everyone else.

I've been really thinking about this lately as we've had a few issues arise in our personal life. It keeps sticking with me. Then I began to think of the voices/ thoughts inside my own head. (Not like I hear voices--please understand!) I think I have expressed my own feelings of guilt over the loss of Callie. I think over and over about how I should have done things differently. I question the times I missed my progesterone pills or my vitamin. What about that time I fell? I should have spoken up when this happened.....I could have done this......the list goes on and on. Why is it that I have such a hard time telling myself that I couldn't have done anything differently. I had no control over this. It wasn't my fault. Yet as often as I say it....those thoughts come back. Again, the negative voices are the loudest.

I don't know what negative voices you are listening to these days but I want to challenge you to stop listening! Listen to the positive voices, the encouraging voice that tell you "You can do it." I promise it will change your outlook on the day and life!

2 Corinthians 10:5 "And we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ."

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Happy Birthday Corban!

Today is my little boy's 3rd birthday. It doesn't seem possible! 3 years ago no one was sure if he would survive. Through many ups and downs he pushed through and is now our miracle baby. He showed so much determination and fight in those first days--traits that he still possesses and will get him far in life! He is such a sensitive and tender hearted little guy. I often wonder what he will be when he grows up. Whatever it is.....I know he will impact many people!

Today is our family party and we are having his favorite for dinner---hot dogs and macaroni and cheese! Top it off with a Mickey Cake and presents, who could ask for more? Saturday we will have his big birthday party. He is so excited! He keeps asking to be picked up to see the calendar and we count down till the big day! It is so fun to see him grow and change. I'm so thankful that the Lord performed a miracle in his life and spared him. I will always give Him the credit and praise Him! Corban--is actually a Biblical name. Mark 7:11 uses it as a noun--it is an act of giving something completely to God. So--our Corban--has been from the beginning something that had to be given completely to God. God used wonderful nurses and doctors to care for him and us in our journey. We are forever thankful!

Happy Birthday to my sweet boy. I love you so much!

Saturday, April 30, 2011


Recently I had to take my kids to the Emergency Room. It wasn't an "emergency" but our pediatrician is in the tornado "affected area" so we went to a very small, local hospital. We received adequate care for our needs that day. While the doctor was examining the kids he remarked "I bet they fight all the time." I responded to him that they get along pretty well most days.
I have been thinking about his comment since I left. Corban and Ellie really do get along quite well. They greet each other with smiles and laughter after being separated--if only for a nap. She follows him like a lost puppy and he most often encourages this!
I'm not saying that every day is perfect--it isn't. They each want the same toy or need to be reminded not to push and hit. But I hope that we can continue to encourage them to be close and loving siblings. I think that as parents it is up to us to help foster closeness between our kids. We can do a lot to help this or to deter this.
Do you have any tips or suggestions for me? I would love to hear them!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Preparing for Baby

Have you ever prepared for a baby? Perhaps you have not yet had a baby but have prepared for a niece, nephew or maybe a friend's baby? I recently read a facebook post by a girl who is pregnant for the first time and it said "I didn't know laundry could be so much fun!" She was doing laundry for the baby's arrival and it took me back to the time I was pregnant for the first time. I like to have things organized and planned and I like to be prepared. I remember washing Callie's clothes and feeling the same way about her laundry. I loved washing her things and taking in their scent as I hung them on hangers or put them in her dresser. I had already put bottles in the cupboards and toys in the baskets in the living room. Her room was ready. We were ready.

Callie was the first granddaughter on both sides of our families. Everyone was excited about the new things a little girl would bring to our family. Dolls and dresses. Ribbons and hairbows. Oh the fun would be endless! I recently came across a very special gift that was intended for Callie from my grandma. My mom is an only child, making my sister and I the only grandchildren. So little girls have always had a special place in her heart. I have many fond memories with my grandma. She took us Easter dress shopping every year and we chose the perfect dress to wear to church Easter morning. Nanny has been suffering with Alzheimer's for awhile now but was recently admitted to a memory care center. We went to her house to pick up a few things and I came across a dress she had bought for Callie. She had shown it to my Mom and the date on the receipt confirmed that this was that very dress. It was a beautiful pink smocked dress with a matching bonnet and pink tights. It would have been the perfect baptism dress. Nanny was preparing for her first great-granddaughter. She had followed the tradition she had with us in buying beautiful dresses. It is now something I will hold on to forever.

John 14:2, Jesus says He is going to prepare a place for us. I imagine it is much the same. He has everything ready for us, as we do for our children to come home to us. I know there is a place being prepared for my Nanny. I wonder if Callie is waiting on her and preparing to meet her. Nanny will meet her great-granddaughter one day soon. For now I am treasuring the small glimpses I get of the "old" Nanny. She is still there.....somewhere. What a beautiful reminder for us to be prepared.

Blessings to you.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Do you ever dream of Heaven? I know that since we lost Callie I think and dream of it much more often. I often wonder what things are like in Heaven. I've read books and tried to learn as much as possible. Sometimes I am sure my theology isn't correct but it brings me comfort.
Shortly after Callie died we were talking about the family Callie was surrounded by in Heaven. She was greeted by her great-grandparents on my husband's side. She was greeted by her great-great grandma and her great-great uncle on my side. I like to think of her upon my great-grandma's knee being bounced as GG "ditsie dooed" her. It was her little trick with babies as she laughed that contagious laugh. I don't know if that happens in heaven or not. But it brought me great comfort in those initial days.
I have mentioned before a wonderful book, "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. I encourage you to read it, especially if you have experienced loss. She shows such raw emotion and is able to put words to emotions I hadn't been able to. I came across a quote as I was going through the book again.
"I am standing on the seashore. A ship spread her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean. I stand watching her until she fades on the horizon, and someone at my side says, "She is gone." Gone where? The loss of sight is in me, not in her. Just at the moment someone says, "She is gone," there are others who are watching her coming. Other voices take up the glad shout, "Here she comes," and that is dying." Henry Scott Holland
What a powerful expression! I often think of when exactly it was that Callie went to see Jesus. I wish I knew when exactly, since she was already gone when we found out. Yet even though I didn't know what was going on, the Saints in Heaven were already on watch and waiting for her. They were calling her home. She is surrounded by more love and beauty that I can imagine. One day when I go to be with Jesus, my daughter will be among those calling to me. What a picture.
I hope this brings comfort to you as you think of those you have lost. Blessings to you.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Heart Check....

I have an extremely heavy heart tonight. It seems that so many sad and heartbreaking stories are unfolding around me. I was lying in bed a few nights ago wondering if it is better to know our babies and to have had time with them or to never know them. I have no answer for this. It isn't right and that is what I do know. A mother shouldn't have to carry her child and never meet him. She shouldn't have to leave the hospital with empty arms. A mother shouldn't have to bring a baby home from the hospital to die. She shouldn't have to love her baby for 14 months and have to say good-bye. These are situations I am wrestling with these days.
In light of these stories, I have decided that the only choice we have is to love well. I have to ask myself, "Am I loving well?" We don't know how long we have with those we love and this isn't limited to babies and children. My grandpa passed away suddenly, almost a year ago. I've been hearing stories of the "unthinkable" happening with no warning.
I challenge you to love those in your life well. We may not have a tomorrow to right the wrongs and treat people differently. I know I need this reminder. I fail so miserably at this!
I'm sorry this is so heavy and is truly a glimpse at my heart right now. If you believe in prayer, please pray for a friend tomorrow whose baby is in his final hours. An ultrasound will be done to check on him tomorrow.
Blessings to you friend. Love well.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Something to Consider

I recently joined a Beth Moore Bible study at my church. It has been a bit of a challenge to get there with the kids being sick off and on. Each time I am able to attend I receive such a huge blessing! We are studying the book of Revelation, which I have always found to be a bit scary. I've studied it at school and in college but I've never done much study of it on my own. The last session I went to is still running through my head--and it was 2 weeks ago!
We were studying Revelation 4-5. The particular section is 5:2-5.
"And I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, 'Who is worthy to open the book and break its seals?' And no one in heaven or on the earth or under the earth was able to open the book or to look into it. Then I began to weep greatly because no one was found worthy to open the book or to look into it ; and one of the elders said to me, 'Stop weeping; behold, the Lion that is from the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has overcome so as to open the book and its seven seals.'"
In her teaching, Beth Moore states that God allowed John (the author of Revelation) to feel this void so deeply that he was crying in order for him to appreciate the solution all the more. This hit me hard! How often are we in a dark place do we feel the Lord has left or forgotten us? We feel like life's problems are getting us down. Maybe the Lord is allowing this in our lives so that when He brings a solution to our problem we appreciate it and don't take it for granted!
My children came to mind. I thought of the times we tried for a baby and were unsuccessful. I thought of how we finally felt the Lord had answered our prayers--and we decided her middle name would be Grace--for He had shown us grace. I thought of when we said goodbye to our Callie Grace. I thought of those dark and hopeless times. They seemed to last forever! I wonder if that time and that silence in Heaven felt the same way as the angel was asking for someone worthy to open the book? And then in steps the Lion of Judah! The Answer!! The Solution! My mind then came to the good news of another pregnancy and the birth of Corban. His miraculous little life. I thought of the surprise of another pregnancy and the birth of Ellie Kate. She came home from the hospital with us!! Lord, let me not take these children for granted. Remind me of the dark times--the hopeless times--so that I don't forget to see Your hand in all of this. You have given them to us. They are Yours.
My oh my. What a gracious reminder!
Blessings to you.......and your blessings!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Unexpected Blessing

Happy New Year friend! It was such a wonderful time with family celebrating Christmas and ringing in the New Year. My husband and I had 2 date nights 2 weeks in a row! That is outstanding for us! We hadn't been on a date in quite awhile and it was so nice to be together, just the 2 of us. On one of our dates we stopped by McAlister's to pick up a gallon of sweet tea and it was closed, due to inclement weather. It wasn't snowing or anything--I don't think there was even any snow on the ground either! Such an adjustment to things down here in Georgia! After our Christmas celebration at our house with my parents we went to my sister's house. I was able to meet my new nephew and love on him for a bit. He is so precious! Then we headed further north to my in-laws. We had a nice time celebrating with them and then at the last minute had a change in plans and we were able to head even further north and stay at my parent's house. It was an unexpected blessing in a couple of ways. They are moving and this was probably the last time we were able to go "home" to this house. This house holds special meaning as we held our rehearsal dinner here, lived here quite a few times in between jobs, moves and while Corban was in the NICU. It was our first stop after we left the NICU with Corban. It is also the home we brought Ellie to and lived with her first 6 months. Memories.
The next blessing was in the fact that we were able to go and visit Callie's grave. As I mentioned in a previous post, this was something I had wanted to do before we moved. Now that my parents are moving it was increasingly important to us. So we went and visited. We said "good bye" to the last spot on earth where she was laid. It seemed surreal. We live 8 1/2 hours away and it seems like a bad memory. Yet as I look at my walls and bookcase I realize it is not merely a memory but a piece of my life and my story that has changed me forever.
What unexpected blessings these were to wrap up this chapter of our lives. To say our goodbyes. It seemed fitting that these events would bring 2010 to a close.
I would also like to take a moment to say that though we have experienced loss I am so thankful to the Lord for the blessings He has given to us. I have been hearing many stories of loss in recent days. Babies with medical conditions who haven't made it. Babies with medical conditions who are still struggling. Babies who never even took their first breath. And Mommies who desperately wish for a baby. These stories break my heart, time and again. I remember how blessed I am. Truly blessed.
God's blessings to you in the new year!