Tuesday, May 26, 2009

In Memory..

We've been trying to figure out what to do to honor Callie as her 2nd birthday approaches. Nothing seems to fit. There are things we do every year, buying an ornament for the Christmas tree, Easter lily in her name, altar flowers at church, etc. However, this year we want to do something different. We have contacted a few local hospitals and are just uncertain of the best way to keep her memory alive. I began wondering about giving some of the special outfits that I have held onto to a NICU family or something. I'm just not sure I can do that. Even if I have a little girl one day, I don't know if I want her wearing Callie's things. But to part with them...well, I'm not sure I can do that either. I just want to find a way to give some hope to someone who is in a bad situation and I'm unsure of what to do. If anyone has any suggestions, I'd love it if you shared!


Monday, May 11, 2009

Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day. It was the first Mother's Day that I have enjoyed in several years. When you are trying to have a baby and are unsucessful, it is the worst reminder. Your arms ache for the baby you so desperately desire. 2 years ago we were down in Hilton Head on a family vacation. We celebrated Mother's Day and it was wonderful. We were eagerly anticipating Callie's arrival 3 short months later. I still have the cards my family gave me as we were so excited for her to come! So last year when I was pregnant and my scheduled c-section was the Monday after Mother's Day I asked my doctor a favor. I asked if we could move the c-section to Friday so that I would be able to hold my baby on Mother's Day. He agreed. What is a few more days, right? Well, as you know, things didn't go as planned. Mother's Day was horrible last year. The NICU nurses made me cards with Corban's picture which I treasure but Corban was going downhill that day. We stopped allowing anyone but Matt and I in to see him. I was so nervous to get close and bond with him. I didn't think he was going to make it and I was facing losing another baby. We prayed at his bedside every day. When we were too weak to pray so many people stepped up to pray for him.
So yesterday was a wonderful day. We really didn't do much. We just hung out and relaxed and yet it was great because I had my family together. God has blessed us with so much throughout our lives and especially within the last year. His hand was on Corban and he is such a joy!
If Mother's Day brings up bad feelings and aching arms and hearts for you, my prayers are with you. I know the feeling. I am praying for you and for all the other women in the world who dread Mother's Day, as I once did.
Blessings to you.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

What A Difference A Year Makes

Today is my son, Corban's, 1st birthday. A year ago today was a pretty dark day. We hadn't held him yet and things were not looking very positive. I feared losing another child. However, God performed a miracle in his life. Today he is a happy, healthy little boy. You'd never know anything had happened. We are so thankful for his life and health! Happy Birthday baby boy!

Monday, May 4, 2009


I have always thought that when I get to heaven I want to ask God some questions. I have had this idea that then my questions will be answered and "why" will make sense. I don't imagine myself shaking my fist at God but just sitting with Him to better understand things. I trust His heart and His reasons. I just wish that humanly I understood them. Well, my mind has since been changed on this. I just finished reading Don Piper's book, "90 Minutes in Heaven". It is about a man who dies in a car accident (for 90 minutes) and then comes back to life. It is an interesting read. A few things that he said really stood out to me. The main thing is that he said (while he was in heaven) that "...I asked no questions and never wondered about anything. Everything was perfect. I sensed that I knew everything and had no questions to ask." This really struck me since I had always thought of talking to God and asking my questions. Yet this man in heaven is saying that he had no questions and seemed to already know everything. I wonder if this is what it will be like in Heaven. I know that I will be reunited with Callie in Heaven. That is wonderful hope for me. We won't wonder about the past or anything else that brings us pain. We will simply "know" and be content in that. Hmm. Something to think about friend. Our "whys" and "what ifs" are only temporary.