Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Do you ever dream of Heaven? I know that since we lost Callie I think and dream of it much more often. I often wonder what things are like in Heaven. I've read books and tried to learn as much as possible. Sometimes I am sure my theology isn't correct but it brings me comfort.
Shortly after Callie died we were talking about the family Callie was surrounded by in Heaven. She was greeted by her great-grandparents on my husband's side. She was greeted by her great-great grandma and her great-great uncle on my side. I like to think of her upon my great-grandma's knee being bounced as GG "ditsie dooed" her. It was her little trick with babies as she laughed that contagious laugh. I don't know if that happens in heaven or not. But it brought me great comfort in those initial days.
I have mentioned before a wonderful book, "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. I encourage you to read it, especially if you have experienced loss. She shows such raw emotion and is able to put words to emotions I hadn't been able to. I came across a quote as I was going through the book again.
"I am standing on the seashore. A ship spread her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean. I stand watching her until she fades on the horizon, and someone at my side says, "She is gone." Gone where? The loss of sight is in me, not in her. Just at the moment someone says, "She is gone," there are others who are watching her coming. Other voices take up the glad shout, "Here she comes," and that is dying." Henry Scott Holland
What a powerful expression! I often think of when exactly it was that Callie went to see Jesus. I wish I knew when exactly, since she was already gone when we found out. Yet even though I didn't know what was going on, the Saints in Heaven were already on watch and waiting for her. They were calling her home. She is surrounded by more love and beauty that I can imagine. One day when I go to be with Jesus, my daughter will be among those calling to me. What a picture.
I hope this brings comfort to you as you think of those you have lost. Blessings to you.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Heart Check....

I have an extremely heavy heart tonight. It seems that so many sad and heartbreaking stories are unfolding around me. I was lying in bed a few nights ago wondering if it is better to know our babies and to have had time with them or to never know them. I have no answer for this. It isn't right and that is what I do know. A mother shouldn't have to carry her child and never meet him. She shouldn't have to leave the hospital with empty arms. A mother shouldn't have to bring a baby home from the hospital to die. She shouldn't have to love her baby for 14 months and have to say good-bye. These are situations I am wrestling with these days.
In light of these stories, I have decided that the only choice we have is to love well. I have to ask myself, "Am I loving well?" We don't know how long we have with those we love and this isn't limited to babies and children. My grandpa passed away suddenly, almost a year ago. I've been hearing stories of the "unthinkable" happening with no warning.
I challenge you to love those in your life well. We may not have a tomorrow to right the wrongs and treat people differently. I know I need this reminder. I fail so miserably at this!
I'm sorry this is so heavy and is truly a glimpse at my heart right now. If you believe in prayer, please pray for a friend tomorrow whose baby is in his final hours. An ultrasound will be done to check on him tomorrow.
Blessings to you friend. Love well.