Saturday, October 29, 2011


We recently went on a family vacation.  My parents started a tradition of taking one week together with all the kids and grandkids together.  One week of uninterrupted time together.  One member from each of our families work at a church which means our weekends together are typically cut short, except the week of vacation.  We started the tradition when I was pregnant (very pregnant) with Callie.  We were so excited to think about our next vacation bringing her along!  Each trip we take I am reminded that she should be with us.  A few nights I stepped out on the balcony and snapped some pictures of the sunset.  After taking this one I realized it was break taking.  I love it when the sunbeams shine through the clouds.  Then it hit me, she is with us.  She's always with us.  Though she isn't physically in our pictures and we aren't buying her a souvenir shirt, she is with us.  Every step of the way. 

Thursday, October 6, 2011

"Can You Hear Me Now?"

Do you remember the Verizon man who traveled all over making calls and asking, "Can you hear me now?" Sometimes I feel it is an accurate portrayal of my walk with the Lord. He allows situations to happen, all the while asking for my trust. Sometimes it is with jobs, other times relationships and most often with my children. Losing Callie coupled with Corban's early health scares have left a fear that resides deep within my heart. Actually not that deep--but it is rooted to the very core of my being. I do not want to lose another child. I can not lose another child. So whenever something happens that affects my kids, I seem to go on high alert. Last Friday I was going through Corban's backpack and found a letter that he had failed his hearing screen. I immediately freaked out. We just had his hearing tested a year ago and he was fine. I thought back to his NICU days--the warnings that hearing damage could occur. I was way down the road. Hearing aids for my 3 year old & speech delay & social anxiety. Would my little guy ever "fit in"? I made numerous calls and finally got an appointment with his pediatrician. She checked him out and then referred us to a specialist.
We went today and learned that his tubes are in the process of falling out and are causing fluid to build up again. Simple fix--put a second set of tubes in and remove his adenoids. No permanent hearing loss. I was so relieved.
I could picture the Lord saying, "Can you hear me now? Are you going to trust me now?" I know that even if Corban had hearing loss, we would still be blessed. He is still with us. It is a daily struggle, a daily battle and yet I find myself continually falling short. Losing trust.
We each have our own struggles and areas which we must turn over daily--and this is mine.
My prayer is that each day, I will continue to trust the Lord and His plan for my children's lives and mine. He has carried me this far. He got me through the worst times and He is with me in the best--and everything in between.
We celebrated this afternoon and made muffins together--Thank You Lord for blessing me with this little guy. You knew what you were doing!
What are you holding onto today? Place it in the Lord's hands and allow Him to speak into your soul.