I just finished reading a wonderful book from one of my favorite authors, Angie Smith. Her first book was about the loss of her child. She was so raw and uninhibited with her feelings and I felt an immediate connection with her. The book I just finished was about the fears of women. She was just as real in this book as she was in her first book. One common thread was that everything we go through has been sifted through God's hands. He knew before we were born the events of our life. This isn't a new concept to me. I grew up in the church and have learned and experienced this many times. Yet this time it struck a chord in me.
My Lord knew when I was a baby each and every step I would take. When I was a little girl and I lovingly mothered all my dolls, he knew I would have to give one back to Him. When I played "house" in my playhouse, God knew what my house would be like. He knew it all.
On one hand that is hard to swallow, isn't it? Couldn't He stop it from happening, then? Absolutely. Couldn't He protect me and let me live a carefree, happy life? You bet. But then, that would be assuming we know better than Him.
So, how do we square the fact that the Lord of the universe allows bad things to happen to us, His children? I believe that He has used everything in my life to prepare me for the trials. It isn't easy. It doesn't make the pain go away. But it does help me to know that He has a reason and is going to use it for good.
There is still one thing that makes my heart ache though. My grandma, Nanny, continues to be trapped in her body while Alzheimer's has her mind. She has been a faithful servant of the Lord all of her life. She volunteered years of her life to missions and ministry work. Yet, now her eyesite is about 95% gone. She no longer speaks or walks. To all of us, as humans, her work on earth is done and yet she is trapped here. It certainly doesn't seem fair. We long for her to be with Jesus in heaven with a new and perfect body. It hurts to see her hurt. BUT......who are we to say that we know better? Maybe the reason she is still on this earth isn't for her but for us. There are many lessons we can still learn from her about God and about ourselves. I am going to have to change my thinking. It's easy to think "this is what I would do" but we don't run the world, thank goodness.