Another year has come and gone and Callie's birthday is this week. Each year brings new challenges and new memories. This is the first year that we are away from her grave. It will be a little different to not go and visit. Last year we released balloons "to her" and I've struggled with what to do this year. I think we have come up with a good idea to incorporate the kids, have a special time as a family and yet keep things positive.
I may have shared before, but the entire week is tough. I re-live that whole week of learning she had passed, then the labor and delivery and finally the funeral and burial. Then, my birthday. It always is tough that the week right before my birthday is consumed with such sorrow. It isn't that I am without hope of seeing her one day. It is the weight that she is missing from our family.
I heard a song recently that brought back a flood of memories from my pregnancy. It is by "Fergie" and is called "Big Girls Don't Cry." If you haven't been pregnant, listen when I say that you will sing to the baby in your belly. I don't know why but I always sang along to the radio on this one for Callie. I even remember the day that we lost her (or at least found out) driving around and killing time before my appointment and singing this song to her, with my hand on my belly. I haven't heard the song for quite awhile and the other night it came on the radio. Instantly it took me back to that moment. Singing to my baby, and she was already gone. Already in Jesus' arms. But I have to disagree with the song. Even big girls cry.
So as we embark on our week of memories, it is my hope and prayer that we honor her memory and speak a little bit of her life into our remaining 2 children's lives. I'm sure I will post more after our special night on Wednesday.