Nanny

I returned home yesterday from an exhausting week in Indianapolis. I went to help my Mom sort through my grandma's house and separate her husband's things. He passed away a few weeks ago after he fell and suffered a broken hip and collapsed lung. My Nanny is in a nursing home suffering with end stage Alzheimer's disease. It was so weird being at her house and rummaging through all her things while she is still alive. Alive in the sense of breathing and having a beating heart. It feels as though she is gone and I've missed her for many years. Her body is here but she is not, as is the way with this cruel disease.

One of the things I found was a journal she kept. There were actually tons of these-where she shared her spiritual insights and ramblings. Things that seem so minor--disagreements with neighbors, feelings towards co-workers and she continued to bring them to the Lord begging for wisdom in her response. In recent years, her mind began to fail, and she began to question if she had a relationship with the Lord. As her family, we brought her back to all the spiritual insights and wisdom she had taught us. We pointed her back to the fruits that were evident in her life. But some took advantage of this opportunity and joined in her disbelief. So she was baptized again and accepted Christ again. It was hard to watch. It was even harder to think about as I read through some of these journals. This woman had such communion with God. I was reading her most personal spiritual thoughts and was still learning from her. We have such a rich spiritual heritage from her. She devoted her life to serving the Lord and volunteering her time.

I am saddened that she is dying, though it feels like she is already gone. About a month ago she was still able to speak on the phone and she thanked me for coming to be with her. "Of course!" I replied. "You are my Nanny and I love you!" and her words will stay with me forever. "And I love being your Nanny." It was a rare moment of clarity for her but a true gift for me. There hasn't been much of a connection for some time but these moments are packed away in my memory box for good.

She will be joining her great-granddaughter in Heaven soon--probably a matter of days. Her eyes will be perfect, her mind will be whole and she will have no more suffering. I have to put in here a quote that I have posted before but it sure seems fitting to use it again.

"I am standing on the seashore. A ship spread her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean. I stand watching her until she fades on the horizon, and someone at my side says , "She is gone." Gone where? The loss of sight is in me, not in her. Just at the moment someone says, "She is gone, " there are others who are watching her coming. Other voices take up the glad shout, "Here she comes," and that is dying." Henry Scott Holland

Blessings to you and your family.