Day 2-Self Portrait before loss
We went to Hilton Head for a family vacation in May 2007. I remember many things from this trip. It was the first family vacation for my nephew, Owen. Trey celebrated his 2nd birthday and I made a cake shaped like a car for him. It was the first time we felt Callie move. My sister, having already given birth twice, asked if we had felt her move. I wasn't sure that we had. It didn't feel like her moving, it felt like hunger. One time it happened and I grabbed her to feel my stomach. She confirmed that it was the baby moving. We were so excited to finally feel it! (I was 7 months along). I also remember my nephew, Trey, touching my belly and talking to Callie. It was a great trip. Matt and I were enjoying our time together, figuring it would be the last vacation with just the 2 of us. We also celebrated my first mother's day that year.
One evening we went into the mall and I slipped and fell on some slippery tile in a store. I was fine. I got back up and was irritated with the store for not having a "caution sign" up or at least some mats since it had been raining that day. I'm sure it had no relevance to Callie's fate but I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder. I never brought it up but a few years ago my husband asked me about it. I thought I was the only one who remembered the fall.
I wouldn't say that I would go back to this place in time, because that would mean I wouldn't have the blessing of my son and daughter, here on earth. Yet I look at this picture and my heart hurts. It is the only picture I have of me, while pregnant with Callie. I was so self-conscious that I didn't want any pictures taken. I wish I had celebrated being pregnant more and done all the pregnancy things. But more so my heart hurts for this young woman I see. I don't know her anymore. We are different people but I hurt because I know what she will go through in a few short weeks and she has no clue.