Blessed

It has been awhile since my last post. Ellie was a month old yesterday. Time flies. I have been thinking of a song that really spoke to me after Corban came home from the hospital. It has spoken to me once again as I've been looking at Ellie. Sometimes I can't take my eyes off of her. She is such a blessing. Even though things get stressful. I get tired and worn out. She still is a great blessing and this is a short season in the grand scheme of things.
If you've never heard the song or even if you have I hope that the lyrics challenge you. I hope that I am able to look at my life and see the losses and disappointments as opportunities to grow and be changed. I hope that I am able to help others through such times.

Jeremy Camp's "Beyond Measure" Song Lyrics
The fog has finally cleared to see,The beautiful life you've given me. To feel the breeze of my newborn's gentle breath. With one to walk hand in hand,To share this life that you have planned. It's like a storybook with dreams That are meant to see every next step is an extraordinary scene[CHORUS]I know that I've been,Given more than beyond measure,I come alive when,I see beyond my fears I know that I've been given more than earthly treasure,I come alive when I've broken down and given you control I've faced a great tragedy,But have seen the works of what you bring A display of faith that you give,I don't know if I will ever understand The depth of what it is you've done inside,But I know that I won't find any worth apart from you Everything that I have Has been given so unselfishly And shown that even when I don't deserve You always show the fullness of your love.

Even though we have faced great tragedy and loss, I can honestly say that I feel that I have been blessed beyond measure. Thank you Jesus for those blessings!

Welcome Ellie Kate Hart!

Our baby girl is here! Ellie Kate was born into the world in literally 30 seconds. We were extremely blessed with a skilled surgeon, Dr. Wheeler, who performed the surgery. It was such an awesome day! We checked into the hospital and found out that a friend who was present at Callie and Corban's births would be able to stay late and assist with Ellie. Gina had switched from the day to the night shift so we thought she wouldn't be there! When I arrived in the operating room she was talking to me and keeping my mind occupied and then another friend came up to me. Amy was one of Corban's primary nurses in the NICU. She took such awesome care of Corban and now she would be in this surgery to take care of Ellie once she was here. It was so wonderful to have friends and people you care about in the operating room to share in this huge event. I was much more relaxed once I knew that Amy had Ellie and was checking her over to make sure all was well. The minute she came out I heard them saying, "She looks like Corban!" Not many people can say that about their delivery!

Well, that is all for now. I just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers as we entered this day with high anxiety. She has already brought us such joy! I'll post more pictures in the days to come. I must nap now while the children sleep!

P.S. She was born at 7:31 a.m. on 2-12-10. Weight: 6 lbs 10 oz 18 in. long ......and a head full of hair!

C-Section Update

Hello Friends!
The countdown has been going on this week for Ellie's arrival. The surgery is scheduled for 5:15 p.m. this Friday, the 12th! At my last appointment on Monday the doctor was pleased with how she is doing. We could see her little chest rising and falling as she was practicing breathing. This is an encouraging sign, and we are hopeful that the steroid shot has worked. We don't want to end up with another pulmonary hypertension baby in the NICU, like Corban.
We are confident in our surgeon's knowledge. He is a skilled perinatologist and has provided us with wonderful care! We are trusting in the Lord that this will be a good experience and Ellie will be able to stay with us and not go to NICU or that anything else will go wrong. However, I am saying this in faith....because out of fear I worry that something will happen. I would covet your prayers as Friday approaches. We are so excited to meet our daughter and yet are filled with fear and nervousness.
We'll post pictures and updates once she is here and we have settled.

An Early Valentine's Gift.....Baby Ellie

No. She isn't here yet. :) I did wrangle a date out of the doctor though! He is on call the weekend of Valentine's Day...so we are scheduled to go on the morning of the 13th! I will be 38 weeks on the 14th so hopefully all will go well. I'm so thankful that my doctor is being conservative and using good judgment with my case. He isn't letting my comfort and anxiety sway his decision. He recognizes that we took Corban too early and paid a high price for that. Unless something happens and she comes on her own or something else unforeseen......she will come on Feb 13th. It is still 2 1/2 weeks away but I trust his judgment and expertise. We're praying for a healthy delivery and to be able to keep her with us until we leave the hospital with her. It will be the best Valentine's Day gift ever to have our little girl with us!
I'm not sure I will be blogging again until she is here unless something changes in our situation.
Blessings to you all! I'm sure we'll post pictures once she is here!

Given your history....

This is a phrase that I've heard too many times recently. I'm currently 34 weeks into my 3rd pregnancy. It has been a rather uneventful pregnancy until the past week. At the 33 week mark I turned into a ball of nerves. If you haven't read Callie's story in previous posts, this is the point at which she passed from this life on to a life in heaven. She never moved like my other children. Her movement was so subtle, it could easily be mistaken for gas or hunger pains, due to her small size. So when she wasn't moving a lot one day, I went with the general advice I'd heard...that babies move less the further along you get in your pregnancy. Three days passed until I realized that maybe something was wrong. I ignored every possibly indication thinking it was normal. Now I err on the opposite side, which has resulted in a trip to the hospital both Saturday night and last night. Saturday I was feeling a lot of pressure and pain so I called the doc on call---given your history....it would be best to get it checked out. She was still moving a lot so I wasn't concerned that she was gone...more concerned she was on her way. Last night I had a sharp pain after a movement that I made and suddenly I felt less movement from her. After an hour of drinking ice water, laying on my side and poking her I still wasn't feeling her. I freaked out. We called the doc on call on the way to the hospital and again....given your history.....you are doing the right thing. I cried the whole way there thinking that we would be going through the most traumatic event in our lives for a second time. After a couple hours of monitoring we were able to get her heart rate to fluctuate some and I was sent home. All is well thankfully.
It has really gotten me to thinking that people who have never experienced such things just really don't get it. In one moment you are taken right back to the worst day of your life and are suddenly reliving it. You can try to be rational and try to talk yourself out of it....but it doesn't work. When you have a history it is a part of you. You try to learn from it so that you don't make the same mistakes again. My husband's old boss asked (before he fired him) if he was over the death of Callie. Case in point. He just didn't get it. You don't just get over it. It becomes a part of you and your story.
If you are reading this, I would ask for your thoughts and prayers are we continue to progress in this pregnancy for a few more weeks. Emotionally I need some strength. We desperately hope to be able to deliver a healthy baby girl who we can bring home from the hospital with us.

Out of these ashes Beauty will rise And we will dance among the ruins We will see it with our own eyes Out of this darkness New light will shine And we"ll know the joy that"s coming in the morning ...from "Beauty Will Rise"

Blessings to you all!!

Christmas and the New Year

Christmas was definitely different this year. It was different in many ways...some were planned and some were unplanned. We had planned a lot of baking for my sister, Mom and I to do, crafts and cookies for the kids, games to play and so much more. Most of it didn't happen. Most of the family ended up getting sick with a stomach virus which changed our plans and our menu! Corban went down for bed the night before Christmas Eve and woke up in the middle of the night throwing up so I was up most of the night with him. He is actually still sick but I think he is starting to get better. I'm pretty excited for that! It is tiring taking care of a sick toddler.

In spite of all of the changes we had a good time with family. Corban enjoyed being with his cousins. He loves being around other kids and seemed fascinated by them! It reminds me every time that we are together that there is another child missing. It may seem odd to those who haven't experienced loss, but seeing all the children of the family is a wonderful thing but also a painful reminder of the one who isn't there and should be. As we lined all the kids up in front of the fireplace for a picture I couldn't help but think about it. There were 4 little cousins, dressed in their sock monkey pj's that Mimi made, and one little one missing. 3 little boy monkeys and only one little girl monkey. There should be another little girl sock monkey sitting there with them. The gap between my youngest nephew (3) and Corban (19 months) is the space where Callie falls. I don't know if that will ever go away. I love having all of the family together but long for the day when the family will be complete with Callie Grace there with us.

We look forward to the new year and the joy that comes along with it. Very soon, about 6 weeks or so, our newest addition will join us.
Blessings to you in the new year.

A Season of Thanks

Hello friends. It has been awhile since my last post. I only write when I have something to say--which you might think would be all the time--but it is not. We have gone through some major transitions in the last month.My husband, a youth pastor, lost his job. The church is undergoing a lot of changes and some crazy decisions are being made. I won't bad mouth the church but it has been really tough! Our house was a parsonage, provided by the church so we also lost our house and only income. It is hard not to get caught up with all the little details and annoyances that happen along the way. When we are wronged it is so hard to not become angry and want revenge. I have really struggled with this! However, in light of Thanksgiving, I have been really challenged to focus on the things that I do have and not those that I don't. So here goes--
1. Our baby girl, Ellie Kate, has remained healthy in spite of all of this stress!
2. Corban just turned 18 months and continues to amaze us with his humor. He has made this situation tolerable and brings a smile to our face when we need it!
3. Corban and my insurance was not through the church--so we are still covered.
4. My parents have graciously allowed us to move in with them and take over their house. What a wonderful blessing this has been---for us at least! :)
5. My husband has a wonderful support network of other pastors that has really poured into him and helped to encourage him.
So that is my start for now. We have each other and our health--and that is all we really need. God has blessed us and has always provided for our needs. I know that He is faithful and will continue to do so! Happy Thanksgiving! Blessings!