Christmas and the New Year

Christmas was definitely different this year. It was different in many ways...some were planned and some were unplanned. We had planned a lot of baking for my sister, Mom and I to do, crafts and cookies for the kids, games to play and so much more. Most of it didn't happen. Most of the family ended up getting sick with a stomach virus which changed our plans and our menu! Corban went down for bed the night before Christmas Eve and woke up in the middle of the night throwing up so I was up most of the night with him. He is actually still sick but I think he is starting to get better. I'm pretty excited for that! It is tiring taking care of a sick toddler.

In spite of all of the changes we had a good time with family. Corban enjoyed being with his cousins. He loves being around other kids and seemed fascinated by them! It reminds me every time that we are together that there is another child missing. It may seem odd to those who haven't experienced loss, but seeing all the children of the family is a wonderful thing but also a painful reminder of the one who isn't there and should be. As we lined all the kids up in front of the fireplace for a picture I couldn't help but think about it. There were 4 little cousins, dressed in their sock monkey pj's that Mimi made, and one little one missing. 3 little boy monkeys and only one little girl monkey. There should be another little girl sock monkey sitting there with them. The gap between my youngest nephew (3) and Corban (19 months) is the space where Callie falls. I don't know if that will ever go away. I love having all of the family together but long for the day when the family will be complete with Callie Grace there with us.

We look forward to the new year and the joy that comes along with it. Very soon, about 6 weeks or so, our newest addition will join us.
Blessings to you in the new year.

A Season of Thanks

Hello friends. It has been awhile since my last post. I only write when I have something to say--which you might think would be all the time--but it is not. We have gone through some major transitions in the last month.My husband, a youth pastor, lost his job. The church is undergoing a lot of changes and some crazy decisions are being made. I won't bad mouth the church but it has been really tough! Our house was a parsonage, provided by the church so we also lost our house and only income. It is hard not to get caught up with all the little details and annoyances that happen along the way. When we are wronged it is so hard to not become angry and want revenge. I have really struggled with this! However, in light of Thanksgiving, I have been really challenged to focus on the things that I do have and not those that I don't. So here goes--
1. Our baby girl, Ellie Kate, has remained healthy in spite of all of this stress!
2. Corban just turned 18 months and continues to amaze us with his humor. He has made this situation tolerable and brings a smile to our face when we need it!
3. Corban and my insurance was not through the church--so we are still covered.
4. My parents have graciously allowed us to move in with them and take over their house. What a wonderful blessing this has been---for us at least! :)
5. My husband has a wonderful support network of other pastors that has really poured into him and helped to encourage him.
So that is my start for now. We have each other and our health--and that is all we really need. God has blessed us and has always provided for our needs. I know that He is faithful and will continue to do so! Happy Thanksgiving! Blessings!

New Life

Well, it has been quite awhile since my last post. For those who don't know we are expecting another baby in February. It was quite a surprise but we are very excited. We found out that we are having another little girl. So far everything looks good with her...I'm seeing a high-risk doctor and he is being extremely conservative with his care. Yesterday we had an ultrasound and saw all of her vital organs and she seems to be of normal size. We're still pretty nervous even though I'm nearly 20 weeks. We just are praying that she comes through the pregnancy and delivery okay and is healthy. We loved our NICU and the staff but would prefer to not revisit our experiences there. We'd really appreciate your thoughts and prayers. It is amazing the feelings that surface again when you're pregnant--especially with a girl--for me.

Callie's Birthday

This past week was Callie's birthday. She would have been 2 on June 29. The whole week is usually a really tough week. I re-live the week and think on the 25th was probably the day she died. The 27th was the day we found out and I was induced. The 29th was the day she was delivered and July 3rd was the day we laid her to rest. It is just a really rough time. We went to the cemetery to her grave and there was a funeral just finishing up. Seeing the same small casket brought back so many memories. I hurt deeply for those people. We stayed in our van until the family left and then the workers lowered the casket in and put dirt on top of it. The family never sees that part. I never saw that part. We walked over to Callie's grave and the angels we put there were gone. Both my parents and I had each put some angels on her grave and they were gone. No sign of them anywhere. They don't remove things from the graves in Babyland so we are left to assume that someone stole them. I don't know what kind of sicko does that....it is just rude. Corban enjoyed being out at the cemetery. He kept waving down at the grave. He will come to know his older sister as we share her story when he gets older. I know her daily celebrations in heaven are far better than any party I could have planned for her. I miss her deeply and love her so.

In Memory..

We've been trying to figure out what to do to honor Callie as her 2nd birthday approaches. Nothing seems to fit. There are things we do every year, buying an ornament for the Christmas tree, Easter lily in her name, altar flowers at church, etc. However, this year we want to do something different. We have contacted a few local hospitals and are just uncertain of the best way to keep her memory alive. I began wondering about giving some of the special outfits that I have held onto to a NICU family or something. I'm just not sure I can do that. Even if I have a little girl one day, I don't know if I want her wearing Callie's things. But to part with them...well, I'm not sure I can do that either. I just want to find a way to give some hope to someone who is in a bad situation and I'm unsure of what to do. If anyone has any suggestions, I'd love it if you shared!

Thanks!
Mindy

Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day. It was the first Mother's Day that I have enjoyed in several years. When you are trying to have a baby and are unsucessful, it is the worst reminder. Your arms ache for the baby you so desperately desire. 2 years ago we were down in Hilton Head on a family vacation. We celebrated Mother's Day and it was wonderful. We were eagerly anticipating Callie's arrival 3 short months later. I still have the cards my family gave me as we were so excited for her to come! So last year when I was pregnant and my scheduled c-section was the Monday after Mother's Day I asked my doctor a favor. I asked if we could move the c-section to Friday so that I would be able to hold my baby on Mother's Day. He agreed. What is a few more days, right? Well, as you know, things didn't go as planned. Mother's Day was horrible last year. The NICU nurses made me cards with Corban's picture which I treasure but Corban was going downhill that day. We stopped allowing anyone but Matt and I in to see him. I was so nervous to get close and bond with him. I didn't think he was going to make it and I was facing losing another baby. We prayed at his bedside every day. When we were too weak to pray so many people stepped up to pray for him.
So yesterday was a wonderful day. We really didn't do much. We just hung out and relaxed and yet it was great because I had my family together. God has blessed us with so much throughout our lives and especially within the last year. His hand was on Corban and he is such a joy!
If Mother's Day brings up bad feelings and aching arms and hearts for you, my prayers are with you. I know the feeling. I am praying for you and for all the other women in the world who dread Mother's Day, as I once did.
Blessings to you.

What A Difference A Year Makes

Today is my son, Corban's, 1st birthday. A year ago today was a pretty dark day. We hadn't held him yet and things were not looking very positive. I feared losing another child. However, God performed a miracle in his life. Today he is a happy, healthy little boy. You'd never know anything had happened. We are so thankful for his life and health! Happy Birthday baby boy!